I recently read End of the Spear by Steve Saint, in which he shares the story of how the Waodani people of Ecuador came to be God-followers, as well as his own story, which is intimately bound up with the Waodani. In this true story, Steve takes his family to the jungles of Ecuador to live among the people who speared his father to death when he was just a boy...most of you probably know the story. What struck me was that Steve Saint constantly battles the ''cause'' mentality he knows all outsiders and even he himself is prone to. It is true that he went to help them (they asked him to), but he kept in mind that these people had the potential to do and be what any human being can. They did not need his handouts, they needed to learn to ''do for themselves.'' As an aspiring missionary, I admire his perspective. What surprised me though, was that after being there for a year and a half, the Saints realized that they needed to leave. Though they were very skilled and talented people, and they were passing on skills to the Waodani, they found that their presence among the tribe was defeating their own purpose. The people were becoming to dependent on them. I think most people would have taken this as a reason to stay.

This made me think. I have a desire to help ''at risk'' young people in a cross-cultural setting. Generally, I feel inadequate for this ministry - I'm not skilled or talented, I feel as though I have very little to offer the people of my own culture, let alone people of a culture I still don't really understand. I have a running list of things I need to improve on in myself before I get into a ''full-time ministry position''. (Sorry, I use a lot of quotes because I don't really agree with the way terms like ''missions'' and ''full-time ministry'' are normally used, I keep using them for lack of better terms. What I mean is, I believe that I am a missionary, full-time, right now - my location and/or financial situation have no play in the matter. My whole life is ministry because I am called to a life in Christ and that means every aspect of my life is in him. Anyway, back to the subject.) I want to improve my musical skills, increase my Bible knowledge, get better at basketball, learn to fly, get medical training, etc. Up till about now it hadn't occurred to me that I could offer to much.

I was sharing my feelings of inadequacy with a friend the other day. And she gently gave me some food for thought. She said, ''Do you really think you need all that though? I mean, I think that can kind of skew what ministry is really about. 'What does the LORD require of you, but to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God...go therefore, making disciples' you can do that regardless of whether you are better than everyone else at something or not, right?'' Hm. The great commandments came to mind; love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself. What would it matter in the long-run if I could take everybody to school in piano or guitar, or teach them to be proficient writers? My real job is to walk with people in Christ. Dawn shed light on my mind and I realized that it was my own pride and desire for external security that was pushing my personal improvement plan. When I go to work in a village I want to have a skill that is needed, that no one else has, so that I can easily find my niche - my place of significance. That idea is pretty off target when it comes to discipleship.

Don't misunderstand me now - I'm certainly not knocking loving people by meeting felt needs, and I'm not saying that having the skills I've listed wouldn't be helpful in ministry. But the most important thing in a community where unemployment describes the majority is not improving the economy. As Christians our citizenship is not on earth, and we do not focus on building a kingdom here. What was challenged in me was a subtle and sneaking mentality that I have to go somewhere and ''save the day.'' Missionaries who go to satisfy their own needs for validation, or their desires for superiority delude themselves. I think this goes for those of us who are not ''career'' missionaries too. Our sufficiency is forever in Christ, may we never forget it.