Fasting on Ash Wednesday, for me, usually means an accidental relapse, and that is what happened, unfortunately.

It started out as a busy day.  I had training in New York City so I commuted in on the train and walked across Manhattan since it was nice outside.  I walked about 20 blocks and it was wonderful to see the ashes on people's forehead, they are like fish drawn in dusty ground.  The church I am currently at right now does not participate in Ash Wednesday, but I celebrate it myself, and continue to participate in Lent. 

After training I walked by St. Anne's near Lexington Ave.,  on 43rd St. I believe, and they had an open Mass for people to come off the street and partake in the holy day, but I was not in the right frame of mind as I was rushing to the subway to catch a train to Newark for my graduate class.  It pained me, I wanted to go in so bad, but I actually just caught the subway and would have been very late to class otherwise.

Yet Lent is about unfulfilled desire, and my desire for communion with all the saints is just one aspect of hope for this time of year, that one day we will all be caught up in the celebration of Christ's kingdom.

About that relapse---I have given up all sugar---that means sugar or honey in coffee/tea, dessert, and anything like fruit juice or gewurztraminer.  I started out well, not putting any sugar in the awful coffee that was served, but alas, I ate some cookies during the catered lunch.  Oh well.  It's in the past.

Lent teaches us that repentance is met with mercy.  When we accidentally break our fast or we break it out of courtesy to our neighbor, we learn that there is mercy and joy in hardship, and that when we break our fast repentance is not lavish penance or sorrowful guilt but turning away from our temptation and returning to the straight and narrow path. 

Joy must be found in the mist of a fast, as light is found in the midst of darkness.