[This was written four days ago for my personal blog (xanga.com/meaganpeters). When I refer to ''you'' in this post I am referring specifically to the members of my church and the friends who have known of my pursuit of some kind of missions in Alaska, and I refer also to previous posts on my xanga site. But I think these two references can easily be applied to the general readership of this blog, and some of my previous posts here as well. Thanks for reading.]

It's been so long since I've written anything that gives news about myself. I feel lame. But, please believe me when I tell you my mind (as well as my soul) has not been idle. I have a few witnesses for what I am about to tell you - so know that my story is trustworthy. It has been a process. I think everyone knows about my desire to go to western Alaska in the near future, I've gone before and written about it, shared in church, etc. Most of you also know that I graduated from college a year and a half ago, so of course I am often questioned about where I am headed in life. I desperately want to have answers to these kinds of questions, not only so I don't sound like an idiot when I fumble over my answer, but for my own peace of mind. I wonder, have I been given these desires for nothing? When I felt God's pleasure while walking with my Eskimo friends, was it all just a dream? Am I a lunatic for going on about faith and God's provision and blessing? At times, in the past few months, I've had visions of my life stretching out before me - wretched, eking out just enough of a living to make each month's payment on my school loans, maybe paying $10 more than the accumulated interest. But if you'll scroll way down on this page, you'll find that my next words are really an echo of something I have said before. I think God is catapulting me into a life of faith - I mean faith that just isn't had these days. Don't take me wrong - there is no arrogance or superiority in my tone, this is my inner struggle - what I what I've mentioned about feeling like a crazy when I look at myself through outsider's eyes is no joke. People just don't put up with this kind of uncertainty in our to-good-to-be-true, money-matters world.

Anyway, to get to the point. I've been taking the verse ''Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart,'' very literally. Also, I've not forgotten the examples in Mark that I began to consider more closely last January, not least ''Lord, I do believe, help my unbelief!'' Someone I consider wise once advised me, ''don't settle for anything less than God's best;'' so I have prayed earnestly for God's best - that I would not give up no matter what odds I have to face (the cynicism of others, loneliness, and laziness have been the worst so far) - I think I can say I have wrestled with God for His blessing, though it feels very bold and I'm not sure I know what it means. But that is one of the differences between the old and new covenants; in Christ we can approach the Throne boldly. Hallelujah! Praise be to God for His indescribable gift! More specifically, I have been praying that if its is God's desire - that is to say, if it is the desire He has planted in me - that I go to Hooper Bay this summer or fall and stay for 8 months or a year and then who knows what, He will provide the way for me to go debt free. I have been praying thus for about four months (a little over a month openly), and today I have been told that there is someone in my church body who has given me ten thousand dollars.

I owe $8,300 in school loans, I have a $1,300 medical bill that just popped up from my surgery of '05 - I mean I feel like George Muller! I'm speechless.

I don't want anyone to take this as me saying, ''well, I did such-and-such, and these are my results.'' In fact I am incredibly humbled that God would bless me like this - only He and I know how little I deserve it. All I can say in conclusion is 'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.' Amen.