I don't want to be like this - I feel like screaming like a screamer I CAN'T TAKE THIS! I'm controlling, judgmental, hot tempered. I don't respect or love, I do not trust. I am becoming what I have set out not to be! I want to blame everyone else . . . but I can only blame myself.

My heart cries: ''Who will rescue me from this body of death?''

Then softly and slowly, in answer:...Come unto Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. . .

There was a time I could not accept these words. I could not be loved, I was too wretched. In strange and tangible ways God in His unfailing love gradually showed me that while I was seeing myself correctly, I had too small a view of Him. How deep and dark was my sinful heart! Yes, it was true! Yet how much more unfathomably deep is His great love! Not only did He save me from the death I earned, He made me His child, took care of everything that created tension and distance between us. It's not like He picked me up off the streets and put me in an institution that would feed and cloth me - He became my Father!

This changes every moment of my everyday life! It's because when I screw up I don't have to bear the weight of my guilt anymore. Yes, I am still grieved by my sin - it hurts not only me but those I love, and it grieves my Abba; but it no longer controls me because my soul's peace does not rest in my own ability to live well. My soul rests in Christ. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Footnote: See Romans 7:24; Matthew 11:28-30; Psalm 73:26; Romans 7:25